Renji Becomes A Man
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Story transcript
Renji: Today's picnic was perfect, Rukia.
Rukia: I'm glad we finally had time together, Renji.
Gohan: (Videl left me and took Pan. I'm gonna need a new wife. I guess Rukia will do.)
Gohan: Hey dawg, your girl belongs to me now.
Renji: What the--
Gohan: Rukia, get your narrow ass up.
Renji: (Damn he really just barked at her and left. I'm so useless without Ichigo around.)
Rengoku: Man are you gonna be a bitch or are you gonna man up and get your wife back? I ain't got all day.
Gohan: Rukia, where’s my protein shake? I asked for it five minutes ago.
Rukia: I’m doing it, just—give me a second!
Gohan: You’re mine now. Move faster.
Rukia: (Why does my heart race when he orders me around?)
Gohan: Clean it up. Then meet me in the garage—laundry mountain’s waiting.
Rukia: (I hate this… so why am I smiling?)
Gohan: Oh, and Rukia—tonight you’re sleeping on the couch till you learn obedience.
Rukia: (I’ll show him obedience… right after I find out why that idea thrills me.)
Renji: (Three days of this and I still can't land a hit on him...)
Rengoku: Your swings are still soft like supermarket tofu! Where's your fighting spirit?
Renji: I'm trying! Show me how to be stronger!
Rengoku: Stronger? First, you need to stop being a little bitch. Listen up!
Rengoku: Real men train to Suga Free! Feel that bass line? That's how you move!
Renji: (My body's... moving on its own? This rhythm...)
Rengoku: Now, show me the heart of a man who fights for his woman! Unleash your passion!
Renji: (Rukia... I'm coming for you. And this time, I'll be strong enough!)
Gohan: Fold faster, wifey. My gi needs to sparkle for tonight's training.
Rukia: I said I'm doing it! Stop hovering like a helicopter parent.
Renji: (Three days of hell training ends NOW!)
Gohan: The hell? You interrupting my domestic time, pineapple head?
Renji: Rukia's coming home with me! Bankai!
Gohan: (Oh shit! This isn't the same Renji I bullied a few days ago.)
Rengoku: That's it! Show him the passion of a man protecting his beloved! UNLEASH YOUR FLAME!
Rukia: (Renji... you're fighting for me? But I thought you were weak...)
Gohan: Damn... should've trained with dad more...
Rukia: Renji! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I'll never leave your side again!