Popper Problems: Therapy with Harley
Characters
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Story transcript
Harley: So, you two lovebirds wanna tell Dr. Harley what brought you here today?
Zenitsu: SHE RAMMED ME! My butt was bleeding for three days straight!
Poison: It was just a little recreational enhancement, babe. You're being dramatic.
Zenitsu: You know I can't deal with pressure
Harley: Poppers, huh? That's amateur hour, Red. Tell me, did you at least use protection?
Poison: Of course I did. I love my thunder bunny too much to put him at risk.
Harley: I've got it! The perfect couple's exercise - you'll both engage in some roleplay. Poison, you'll take the place of Zenitsu. Zenitsu, get ready!
Zenitsu: Oh shucks...
Poison: Come on, Zenny~ Don't keep me waiting.
Zenitsu: Oh Zenny~ I'm such a big scary dom who needs enhancement drugs because I can't perform!
Poison: Real mature, thunder bunny. You gonna cry about your precious Nezuko next?
Poison: Oh Nezuko-chan~ Your bamboo is so kawaii! I wish I could protect you forever!
Zenitsu: (She went there... she actually went there)
Harley: Whoa whoa whoa! No hitting below the belt, kids! We're here to heal, not kill!
Poison: At least I don't fantasize about my best friend's sister, pervert.
Zenitsu: SIX-FOLD BREATHING TECHNIQUE!
Harley: (Note to self: add "no jutsu" to couples therapy waiver)
Zenitsu: I'LL KILL YOU!
Poison: Bring it, thunder boy.
Harley: ENOUGH!
Harley: (Time for some aggressive therapy!)
Zenitsu: (Oh no oh no oh no!)
Poison: (Wait, he's actually...)
Zenitsu: (Don't look at me don't look at me don't look at me...)
Poison: Well well, someone missed their mommy.
Harley: See? Aggressive therapy works! Now kiss and make up, lovebirds!
Poison: I... I shouldn't have been so rough with you, Zenny. The poppers were a mistake.
Zenitsu: No, I was the childish one! Getting all worked up about Nezuko when you're right here...
Harley: Aww, look at you two! Making up is always the best part of therapy.
Poison: Come here, my little thunder bunny. Let me show you how gentle I can be.
Zenitsu: (Her hands are so warm...)
Harley: Whoa there! This is a therapy office, not a love hotel! Out! OUT!
Poison: Thanks for nothing, doc. The session's over.
Harley: (Hey! That's not how this works! Did she really toss me out of my office? Why is "Freak Me" by Silk playing now?)
Zenitsu: (Wow, Poison's never so gentle with me.) Coming honey...