Hokage's Baby Boom Decree
Characters
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Characters in this story
- Naruto Uzumaki — "There's no easy path to becoming hokage!"
- Sakura Haruno
- Sasuke Uchiha
Story transcript
Naruto: Two kids minimum, no exceptions! Konoha needs future shinobi!
Sakura: Naruto, you can't just dictate family size like it's a mission quota!
Sasuke: We have Sarada. One genius child beats a dozen average ones.
Naruto: Says the guy who abandoned the village once! Birth rate's at 1.1, bro!
Sakura: (He’s really doing this. I’m going to punch him into next week.)
Naruto: Relax, I already registered you two for the “Parenting Re-Do” crash course. Starts tonight!
Sasuke: ...I’m going to resurrect the Uchiha police just to arrest you for stupidity.
Naruto: Look, I'm not asking—I'm ordering. Konoha's survival depends on this.
Sakura: You can't treat women like breeding stock, you moron!
Sasuke: Withdraw this decree, or I'll make you regret it.
Naruto: Oh really? Because I've got a list of very eager kunoichi who'd love to help you repopulate the Uchiha clan.
Naruto: Starting with Karin. She's been asking about you.
Sakura: (He wouldn't... he can't... KARIN?!)
Sasuke: You send that crazy fangirl near my wife, and I'll level this entire office.
Naruto: Too late! I already sent her the invitation. She's probably at your house right now!
Naruto: Tick tock, Sasuke. Better get busy with Sakura before Karin gets creative!
Sakura: (Sarada's home alone with her! That red-headed maniac is going to traumatize my daughter!)
Sakura: I raised Sarada alone while he was off atoning. Now he wants me to go through that again?
Sasuke: I know I missed her first steps, her first words. But I'm here now.
Sakura: (He looks so lost. Maybe... maybe another child would heal what's broken between us.)
Sasuke: Sarada always wanted a sibling. Remember how she asked about cousins?
Sakura: Stop looking at me like that! This is about repopulating the village, not... not that!
Sasuke: Race you back to the office. Loser has to tell Naruto we're giving him twins!
Sakura: (Twins? Wait, when did we agree to twins?!)
Sakura: Naruto! We need to talk about this baby mandate before Karin—
Naruto: Actually, I just solved everything. No more baby requirement needed.
Sasuke: What do you mean "solved"? You were obsessed with birth rates an hour ago.
Naruto: Immigration wave! Brilliant shinobi from Kenya, Vietnam, Brazil—already arriving!
Sakura: (He's letting outsiders into our village? This isn't the Konoha I fought for!)
Sasuke: This is Uchiha territory! We don't need foreign blood diluting our—
Naruto: Adiós, mis amigos. La puerta está allá.
Sakura: (He just dismissed us... in perfect Spanish... while eating Venezuelan food.)