Demon Princess broken heart, learns parents past

Nymoria Galahorn

I just wanted to impress him, Mom... I thought guys liked party tricks...

Tsechlness Galahorn

My dear, there's a difference between impressive and... gastronomically alarming.

Nymoria Galahorn

But it worked on stream! Chat loved the hot-dog challenge!

Tsechlness Galahorn

Stream? My child, you are not behind glass anymore. Courtship requires... subtlety.

Nymoria Galahorn

Then teach me. Please. Before I accidentally make myself un-dateable...

Tsechlness Galahorn

Very well. Lesson one: Never discuss digestion on the first three dates.

Nymoria Galahorn

Oh! Is there a handbook? Like 'Dating for Dummies: Demon Edition'?

Argon Galahorn

Heard about how my baby girl failed at the art of seduction. Should I fetch the royal etiquette master?

Tsechlness Galahorn

This is mother-daughter bonding! Your masculine wisdom is not required!

Nymoria Galahorn

Dad, please... I already want to crawl into a dungeon and never emerge.

Argon Galahorn

Nym, the right person won't run from your quirks. They'll ask for extra mustard.

Nymoria Galahorn

...So I should lead with condiment preferences next time?

Tsechlness Galahorn

Goddess preserve us, she's going to ask about relish compatibility.

Nymoria Galahorn

You two are doing the gross goo-goo eyes again. How'd you even fall in love anyway? Like, was it romantic or just... hormones?

Argon Galahorn

We, uh, met on the battlefield. Love at first sight. Very traditional. Very... normal.

Tsechlness Galahorn

My sweet daughter thinks she's ready for the truth. Should we tell her how Father really won my heart?

Argon Galahorn

Tsech, she still thinks kissing causes pregnancy—

Nymoria Galahorn

I'm literally twenty-three and have streamed Dark Souls, Dad. I know how reproduction works.

Tsechlness Galahorn

Picture this: your father, covered in battle-grime, looking absolutely delicious—

Argon Galahorn

I was covered in my own blood and terror, Tsech.

Nymoria Galahorn

Oh no. This is going to be one of THOSE stories.

Tsechlness Galahorn

I stopped our epic battle mid-clash, pinned him down, and declared we would mate immediately. He put up quite the struggle—

Argon Galahorn

I was trying to escape! You were going to crush my pelvis!

Nymoria Galahorn

Mom, that's assault! You can't just—wait, did you say struggle?

Tsechlness Galahorn

Your father was the first man strong enough to survive my... enthusiasm. It was very romantic in a 'will he live through the wedding night' sort of way.

Argon Galahorn

I was genuinely surprised I woke up the next morning. Thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Turned out I just married a devil.

Nymoria Galahorn

This explains so much about my trauma. Also, thanks for the mental image of Dad as a terrified virgin.

Tsechlness Galahorn

The heart wants what the heart wants, my dear. Sometimes it's someone who can survive your worst impulses.

Nymoria Galahorn

So my dating prospects are either immortal demons or guys with death wishes?

Argon Galahorn

Or someone who finds your hot-dog tricks endearing. Your mother once tried to eat an entire roasted boar in one sitting to impress me.

Tsechlness Galahorn

I was hungry from battle!