Deadpool Crashes the Cosmic Family Reunion

Deadpool

Woo! Party central's got nothing on this place! Bartender! Gimme your strongest existential crisis in a glass! Also, dont mind the mouth...

Coppester the Bartender

Sir, we have a perfectly functional door. Several million of them, in fact.

Elsearia The Mistress

Oh, this one's fun, Coppester! Can we keep him?

Deadpool

So rumor has it you're daddy material to goldilocks over there. What's your secret? Blackmail? Ancient cosmic debt? Or just really good at--

Coppester the Bartender

I am her guardian. Not her father. There's a difference older than your universe's concept of time.

Deadpool

Ooh, touchy subject! Did someone skip cosmic parenting classes?

Elsearia The Mistress

Coppester IS my dad! He's been there since before stars learned how to burn!

Deadpool

Okay, okay! Put me down! Gravity and I are having relationship issues!

Coppester the Bartender

Mistress, your emotional state is destabilizing the local reality. Remember what happened to the Andromeda platform?

Deadpool

So dad, what's it like being the universe's oldest babysitter? Do you get cosmic hazard pay? Dental?

Coppester the Bartender

The payment is existing in the same reality as you people. The cost is... incalculable.

Elsearia The Mistress

He's the best dad! He even checks under my bed for existential dread monsters!

Deadpool

This is going STRAIGHT to the Meta-Bois group chat! World's most powerful being: confirmed softie!

Coppester the Bartender

Put the device down. Or I'll show you what fifth-dimensional disassembly looks like.

Elsearia The Mistress

Wait, wait! If Kittysamma sees this, he'll never stop laughing!

Deadpool

Okay, okay! Truce! Just turn my phone back! How am I supposed to update my shipper status without--

Coppester the Bartender

Consider it a lesson in respecting your elders. And perhaps... appreciating that some family photos aren't meant for social media.

Elsearia The Mistress

Dad's right. But can we keep the tiny phone-you? It's adorable when it slaps you!