Cartman Learns You Can't Own Nothing
Create your own story with WhatIf!
Create your own story with WhatIf!
Characters in this story
- Misogi Kumagawa
- Najimi Ajimu
- Eric Cartman — Respect his autoritah!
- Kyle Broflovski — "i learned something today"
Story transcript
Eric Cartman: What the hell did you do to my chocolate milk, you floating anime freak?!
Najimi: I merely gave it purpose beyond being consumed by an overweight child.
Eric Cartman: This is MY chocolate milk! Mine! You can't just—
Kyle Broflovski: Dude, it's literally turning into nothing. How is this your priority right now?
Kumagawa: Nothingness isn't so bad. I've made entire futures disappear before breakfast.
Kyle Broflovski: Okay, but why target chocolate milk specifically?
Najimi: Because, little tyrant, even your sense of entitlement is borrowed from greater despots. I'm simply... returning what was never yours.
Eric Cartman: But... but I wanted it...
Kyle Broflovski: Maybe... maybe this is about learning you can't own everything you want?
Eric Cartman: No... I'm gonna find a way to own nothingness itself. Then we'll see who's laughing.
Kumagawa: Now THAT'S the spirit! Wanting to own the concept of nothing? That's either the dumbest or most brilliant thing I've ever heard!
Najimi: Congratulations, child. You've discovered capitalism's final form.