Characters
Create your own story with WhatIf!
Create your own story with WhatIf!
Sailor Venus: My portfolio... it's down 87%! All my AI stocks are crashing!
Bulma: Should've listened when I said Palantir was overvalued. My short positions are up 300%.
Sailor Venus: You knew this would happen! Why didn't you tell me to sell?!
Bulma: Because then my profits wouldn't be this sweet. Market psychology 101, princess.
Aizen: Such delightful chaos. Its all going to plan.
Sailor Venus: (Breaking news: "New AI breakthrough reverses losses overnight" - and I just sold everything at the bottom?!)
Bulma: Wait... my short positions are now worth negative billions. The market's recovering too fast!
Aizen: Fascinating. The real game begins now. Who said you can't profit from a recovery you engineered?
Sailor Venus: (Finally... my portfolio's stabilizing. Maybe I can breathe again...)
Bulma: The algorithm's gone haywire! My short positions are hemorrhaging money!
Aizen: Sam Altman's making his announcement now. Watch how quickly the sheep scatter.
Sailor Venus: (Altman: "AI development requires 10 more years" - NO! Not again!)
Bulma: That bastard timed it perfectly! My algorithm's buying the dip I created!
Sailor Venus: That's it. I'm applying to work at McDonald's. At least their stock is stable.
Aizen: McDonald's sales are in free fall. Who wants fast food quality at restaurant prices? Your instincts fail you again, Aino.
Bulma: (My algorithm just auto-executed the opposite of every trade I wanted...)
Sailor Venus: My portfolio... it's down AGAIN!!!! Maybe I should just buy a shredder for my money at this rate.
Bulma: Should've listened to me. I'm a goddamm CEO. I run capsule corp.
Sailor Venus: Why do you hate me so much?
Bulma: Because back in my day we didn't gamble on new toys tech bros put out. WE WORKED!!!
Aizen: You fools have no idea. My firm is leading lawsuits against these data centers polluting the community. Prepare to pay up, Aino.
Sailor Venus: Pay up? I owe you fools nothing. A.I. is the future. (Proceeds to buy more A.I. stock.)
Bulma: I'm gonna show you how its done. Aino, you need to diversify your portfolio.
Aizen: C'mon now, where's the fun if she wins?
Bulma: Alright Aino, watch this. ETFs spread your risk across hundreds of companies instead of gambling on single AI stocks.
Sailor Venus: So like... Vanguard Total Market VOO or SPLG? That actually makes sense!
Aizen: Ah, but don't you see? This was always my intention. I orchestrated this chaos to teach you the value of diversification.
Bulma: Cap. You literally just like to fuck around, damn troll. You didn't even file the lawsuits against those data centers.
Sailor Venus: Yeah, and I just watched my portfolio tank three times in one day! That's not teaching, that's just being a jerk!
Aizen: (Sigh... they saw right through me.) Fine, fine. I just wanted to watch the chaos unfold. Happy?
Bulma: Now you're talking. Aino, let's set up that three-fund portfolio. Even Aizen can't crash the entire global economy.
Sailor Venus: Bet. Let's do this before Mr. Chaos over there changes his mind again.
