Beach Brawl: Nami vs. Asuka Showdown

Nami

You think it's funny turning my captain into a rubber pretzel?

Nami

Apologize. Now.

Asuka

He looked cuter that way. Maybe you should thank me.

Shinji

A-Asuka, maybe... maybe be a little nicer?

Asuka

Shut up, Shinji! Get back in your cage and stay useless!

Nami

Quit barking at him, red-head. You're just a bully with pigtails.

Asuka

(Let's see how tough you are when your precious map gets "edited.")

Nami

My map—it's blank! What did you do!?

Shinji

(She's really going to make them both mad... and I'm still in the middle.)

Nami

(She wiped my map! My entire journey—gone!) I'm going to end you...

Asuka

W-wait, I was just—

Asuka

Get off me, you crazy—!

Nami

(Every berry I've counted, every island I've charted—I'll make you pay!)

Shinji

She's actually doing it! I'm free!

Asuka

Okay! Okay! I'll restore your stupid map!

Shinji

(For the first time, someone fought my battle for me... and won.)

Shinji

Nami-san, you were amazing back there! My liberator!

Nami

Beat it, kid. I just wanted my map back.

Shinji

But you stood up to her! Nobody ever does that for me!

Nami

Go away or I'll tell your dad you're dating Makoto Kino.

Nami

You know, Sailor Jupiter? The transgender woman?

Shinji

(She knows about Makoto-san?! Dad would kill me!) Alright, fine. Jerk.

Asuka

Shinji... help... can't see straight...

Shinji

Honestly, Asuka you needed that ass kicking.

Nami

(That's right, run along. Nobody messes with my maps.)

Asuka

(This isn't over... I'll make them both pay...)

Asuka

(I can't believe I lost... to some orange-haired pirate girl...)

Asuka

Hello? Arkan's Tigers? I need immediate extraction... and revenge.

Nami

Who are you calling, ginger? Your mommy?

Shinji

(Are those... actual soldiers? With tanks?)

Nami

(These amateurs don't know who they're dealing with.)

Asuka

Impossible... Arkan's Tigers... defeated in seconds?

Nami

Everyone knows Arkan's Tigers can't fight. This isn't Bosnia or Croatia. Now fuck off you emotionally unstable Marionette doll.

Shinji

(She just... destroyed an entire paramilitary unit... and she's roasted Asuka again.)

Asuka

This isn't over! I'll make you all pay! Especially you, Shinji!