Tanjiro’s Matchmaking Mayhem Explodes Tonight

Giyu

Tanjiro. Explain why Zenitsu was seen fleeing the estate with... someone unexpected.

Tanjiro

I-I thought if Zenitsu found someone else, he'd stop chasing Nezuko!

Mitsuri

You set him up with Poison from the city? She's... very forward!

Mitsuri

Now they keep leaving glitter and feathers everywhere! As well as something sticky on the banister...

Nezuko

(Onii-chan... your plan made everything worse...)

Tanjiro

I just wanted to protect Nezuko! I didn't know they'd become... so enthusiastic!

Giyu

They've taken over the jacuzzi.

Giyu

I wanted to take a light night dive. You started this. You finish it.

Tanjiro

You guys have no idea. If I do something about this, then I'll get canceled on Bluesky.

Tanjiro

(If I break them up, the city will call me a bigot... but if I don't, Giyu-san will drown me in the koi pond...)

Nezuko

Onii-chan, why is your forehead bleeding from stress?

Tanjiro

Nezuko, what if I just... apologize to Zenitsu for meddling?

Tanjiro

Maybe he'll tone it down if I admit I was wrong!

Nezuko

(But Zenitsu's new girlfriend already posted "My boyfriend's friends are so repressed" on her social...)

Tanjiro

I'm stuck! If I say anything, she'll screenshot it and I'll be trending for all the wrong reasons!

Nezuko

Then let me handle it, Onii-chan.

Nezuko

I'll visit Poison tonight. Girl talk. No boys allowed.

Tanjiro

(Oh no. Nezuko with the city girl. This is either going to fix everything or make us go viral on TikTok.)

Tanjiro

(Glitter in the tatami grooves... how does it even get embedded this deep?)

Mitsuri

Tanjiro-kun, you're blushing more than when you fought that courtesan demon!

Mitsuri

Though I suppose cleaning up after Zenitsu's... romantic escapades is its own special hell.

Giyu

The jacuzzi's clogged with rose petals. Again.

Giyu

This is the third time this week. My patience has limits.

Tanjiro

Please! Zenitsu's finally happy! Isn't that worth a little mess?

Tanjiro

Poison makes him smile like I've never seen before!

Giyu

Fine. They can stay.

Giyu

But you'll cover the cost of a new estate for them. I'm thinking... mountain view. With soundproofing.

Tanjiro

(My mission stipend can't cover a tea house, let alone mountain property!)

Nezuko

Onii-chan, Poison just posted "So grateful my boyfriend's family is buying us love-nest!"

Nezuko

It already has ten-thousand likes. You can't back out now!

Tanjiro

(From demon slayer to mortgage slave... all because I tried to protect Nezuko from Zenitsu's affections.)

Tanjiro

(The rental income from Zenitsu and Poison's cottage... actually covers the estate repairs!)

Giyu

You turned their chaos into profit. Unexpected, but effective.

Mitsuri

Tanjiro-kun! You're becoming quite the businessman!

Mitsuri

Though I still find glitter in my hair every morning...

Nezuko

Onii-chan, you protected me AND found Zenitsu happiness!

Nezuko

Even if it cost you three months of sleepless nights.

Tanjiro

(The things I do for love... I need professional help before I start matchmaking people.)

Tanjiro

Actually... would anyone object if I saw a therapist?

Tanjiro

I keep having nightmares about wedding planners chasing me with glitter cannons.

Giyu

Smart. After what you've been through, you'd be insane NOT to seek help.

Giyu

Just... maybe don't mention the part where you pimped out your friend to protect your sister.

Tanjiro

(How do I explain "accidental matchmaker trauma" without sounding completely unhinged?)