Renji Becomes A Man

Renji

Today's picnic was perfect, Rukia.

Rukia

I'm glad we finally had time together, Renji.

Gohan

(Videl left me and took Pan. I'm gonna need a new wife. I guess Rukia will do.)

Gohan

Hey dawg, your girl belongs to me now.

Renji

What the--

Gohan

Rukia, get your narrow ass up.

Renji

(Damn he really just barked at her and left. I'm so useless without Ichigo around.)

Rengoku

Man are you gonna be a bitch or are you gonna man up and get your wife back? I ain't got all day.

Gohan

Rukia, where’s my protein shake? I asked for it five minutes ago.

Rukia

I’m doing it, just—give me a second!

Gohan

You’re mine now. Move faster.

Rukia

(Why does my heart race when he orders me around?)

Gohan

Clean it up. Then meet me in the garage—laundry mountain’s waiting.

Rukia

(I hate this… so why am I smiling?)

Gohan

Oh, and Rukia—tonight you’re sleeping on the couch till you learn obedience.

Rukia

(I’ll show him obedience… right after I find out why that idea thrills me.)

Renji

(Three days of this and I still can't land a hit on him...)

Rengoku

Your swings are still soft like supermarket tofu! Where's your fighting spirit?

Renji

I'm trying! Show me how to be stronger!

Rengoku

Stronger? First, you need to stop being a little bitch. Listen up!

Rengoku

Real men train to Suga Free! Feel that bass line? That's how you move!

Renji

(My body's... moving on its own? This rhythm...)

Rengoku

Now, show me the heart of a man who fights for his woman! Unleash your passion!

Renji

(Rukia... I'm coming for you. And this time, I'll be strong enough!)

Gohan

Fold faster, wifey. My gi needs to sparkle for tonight's training.

Rukia

I said I'm doing it! Stop hovering like a helicopter parent.

Renji

(Three days of hell training ends NOW!)

Gohan

The hell? You interrupting my domestic time, pineapple head?

Renji

Rukia's coming home with me! Bankai!

Gohan

(Oh shit! This isn't the same Renji I bullied a few days ago.)

Rengoku

That's it! Show him the passion of a man protecting his beloved! UNLEASH YOUR FLAME!

Rukia

(Renji... you're fighting for me? But I thought you were weak...)

Gohan

Damn... should've trained with dad more...

Rukia

Renji! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I'll never leave your side again!