Hokage's Baby Boom Decree

Naruto

Two kids minimum, no exceptions! Konoha needs future shinobi!

Sakura

Naruto, you can't just dictate family size like it's a mission quota!

Sasuke

We have Sarada. One genius child beats a dozen average ones.

Naruto

Says the guy who abandoned the village once! Birth rate's at 1.1, bro!

Sakura

(He’s really doing this. I’m going to punch him into next week.)

Naruto

Relax, I already registered you two for the “Parenting Re-Do” crash course. Starts tonight!

Sasuke

...I’m going to resurrect the Uchiha police just to arrest you for stupidity.

Naruto

Look, I'm not asking—I'm ordering. Konoha's survival depends on this.

Sakura

You can't treat women like breeding stock, you moron!

Sasuke

Withdraw this decree, or I'll make you regret it.

Naruto

Oh really? Because I've got a list of very eager kunoichi who'd love to help you repopulate the Uchiha clan.

Naruto

Starting with Karin. She's been asking about you.

Sakura

(He wouldn't... he can't... KARIN?!)

Sasuke

You send that crazy fangirl near my wife, and I'll level this entire office.

Naruto

Too late! I already sent her the invitation. She's probably at your house right now!

Naruto

Tick tock, Sasuke. Better get busy with Sakura before Karin gets creative!

Sakura

(Sarada's home alone with her! That red-headed maniac is going to traumatize my daughter!)

Sakura

I raised Sarada alone while he was off atoning. Now he wants me to go through that again?

Sasuke

I know I missed her first steps, her first words. But I'm here now.

Sakura

(He looks so lost. Maybe... maybe another child would heal what's broken between us.)

Sasuke

Sarada always wanted a sibling. Remember how she asked about cousins?

Sakura

Stop looking at me like that! This is about repopulating the village, not... not that!

Sasuke

Race you back to the office. Loser has to tell Naruto we're giving him twins!

Sakura

(Twins? Wait, when did we agree to twins?!)

Sakura

Naruto! We need to talk about this baby mandate before Karin—

Naruto

Actually, I just solved everything. No more baby requirement needed.

Sasuke

What do you mean "solved"? You were obsessed with birth rates an hour ago.

Naruto

Immigration wave! Brilliant shinobi from Kenya, Vietnam, Brazil—already arriving!

Sakura

(He's letting outsiders into our village? This isn't the Konoha I fought for!)

Sasuke

This is Uchiha territory! We don't need foreign blood diluting our—

Naruto

Adiós, mis amigos. La puerta está allá.

Sakura

(He just dismissed us... in perfect Spanish... while eating Venezuelan food.)