Death, Strawberries, and Social Suicide

L

88% probability she will attempt conversation within 3.2 minutes.

Tomoko

(Why is he sitting like that? Is that how geniuses sit? Should I try it?)

L

(Her heart rate increased by 40% when I moved. Fascinating.)

Tomoko

S-so... do you... like... death?

L

I prefer strawberries. But death is acceptable.

Tomoko

(OH GOD DID I JUST ASK A DETECTIVE ABOUT DEATH WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME)

Tomoko

(The ringtone... it's happening... it's really happening...)

L

These illustrations appear to be... male bonding exercises.

Tomoko

DON'T LOOK AT THOSE THEY'RE NOT MINE I SWEAR I'M JUST HOLDING THEM FOR A FRIEND

L

(The artistic technique is quite detailed. This appears to be hand-drawn.)

Tomoko

GIVE IT BACK YOU'RE CONTAMINATING THE EVIDENCE

L

Based on the wear patterns, you've read this particular page... 47 times.

Tomoko

(He counted... he actually counted the creases... I'm going to die here aren't I)

L

(47 creases... each fold must be precise to maintain the paper's integrity.)

Tomoko

(It's... actually on my head. The porn crane is on my head and I can't move.)

L

47 folds exactly—your dedication is... admirable.

Tomoko

I-I'm going to kill myself. Right here. Right now.

L

(Her blush intensity increased by 73%. This physiological response... fascinating.)

Tomoko

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

L

The crane—!

Tomoko

(If I can just delete my browser history before he—)

L

(The cache reveals... 847 related searches. My, my...)

Tomoko

(There—now he can't examine it. I win.)

L

Fascinating. Paper fibers contain trace amounts of cellulose acetate.

Tomoko

(Wait—what did he just say?)

L

Cellulose acetate ingestion causes severe gastric obstruction in 87% of cases.

Tomoko

W-what do you mean obstruction?!

L

Based on your BMI, the paper will likely remain lodged for... 36 hours.

Tomoko

(I need to google emergency room protocols NOW)

L

(She didn't notice I switched the pages. The real evidence is safe.)

Tomoko

(Wait... if that wasn't the real page, then what did I just—)

L

By the way, I made that paper from rice. No cellulose acetate.