Virgin Villain's First Touch

Eggman

I... I've never actually done this before. I just wanted to feel... wanted.

Mai

First time? That's actually kind of sweet. Don't worry - we'll take good care of you.

18

So doctor, what's the diagnosis? Feeling a little... blue?

18

Maybe we should start with something gentle. A massage perhaps?

Eggman

I... yes, that would be... nice. I've been so focused on my machines, I forgot what human touch feels like.

Mai

(Wait... is he actually... crying?)

Eggman

I'm sorry. It's just... no one's touched me kindly in years. Not since... Maria.

18

(Maybe this job isn't just about the money after all...)

Eggman

Maria... she was the only one who believed in me. Before I became... this.

Mai

Hey... it's okay. We're here now, right? Let us be your Maria tonight.

18

Doctor, close your eyes. We're going to make you forget all about hedgehogs and machines for a while.

Eggman

(This is really happening... but why does it feel less like a transaction and more like... healing?)

Mai

Trust us, doctor. Tonight, you're not a villain. You're just a man who deserves to be seen. So virile too...

Eggman

My communicator! It's... it's from Shadow. The ARK... it's falling! They need me!

18

Too late for that doctor.

Mai

Nah, I need more of that. Get down big boy.

Eggman

That was fun, but the ARK is falling. I need to get back.

18

I gotta admit doctor. You were more than enough for me. Don't sell yourself short.

Eggman

(This money feels heavier than gold. What I paid for wasn't just... it was something else entirely.)

Mai

Payment accepted, doctor. You know what they say - money can't buy happiness, but it sure can buy temporary amnesia. Now go on. You got an ARK to save

Eggman

I feel... incredible. Like I could take on that hedgehog right now! What did you two do to me?

18

That's our little secret, doctor. But if you ever need another... consultation, you know where to find the Super Women.

Eggman

(Shadow can wait. I've never felt this alive. Those women... they didn't just touch my body, they awakened something else entirely.)

Mai

Super Women, huh? I like the sound of that. 18, I think we just found our calling.

18

Speak for yourself. Though I have to admit - turning the world's most pathetic villain into our first satisfied customer? That's definitely going in the highlight reel.

Eggman

The rates went up again? But... I just paid last week!

Mai

Inflation, doctor. Plus, you're our most demanding client. Special attention costs extra.

Mai

Though if money's tight, besides I nearly threw my back out last time.

Eggman

(I hate paying more, but I can't get enough.) Fine, I'll pay you.

18

Clock's ticking, Eggman. Are we doing this or not? My sister's got better things to do than wait for your pity party.

Eggman

Fine. I admit I miss your body...

Mai

There you go, now lay down.

Eggman

Let me get the camera ready, they'll never believe that I'm seeing TWO women.

18

Hey, cameras off. We didn't give you permission. (Krillin doesn't need to know about this.)

Eggman

Fine, but I paid for two hours. Let get this coat off. (The ladies groan.)