Harpies & Heartbreak: Renji's Dilemma

Papi

Please be my master, Renji! I brought you presents!

Renji

W-Wait, Papi, I'm already married to Rukia...

Rukia

Renji! Why is this bird-woman calling you master?!

Papi

Your husband is so strong and kind! He saved me from hollows!

Rukia

One more touch and I'll freeze you solid, bird-brain!

Renji

Rukia, wait! She's just a lost harpy, I couldn't leave her outside!

Papi

(Time for Operation Steal Master's Heart!)

Rukia

Choose, Renji. Her or me. But if you pick her, I'm taking half your soul reaper salary.

Renji

(Why is my love life suddenly a shonen love triangle?!)

Papi

Don't worry, master! I'll wait for you... forever and ever!

Rukia

Your tea, dear husband. Served by your devoted wife who definitely doesn't feel threatened by a bird.

Renji

(Rukia in a bikini? This is more dangerous than any hollow!)

Papi

Master~ Let Papi wash your back! I'll use my special wing technique!

Rukia

That's it! Sōten Kisshun - Absolute Zero!

Renji

(Too much... too much skin... I'm gonna die from blood loss...)

Papi

Too slow! A good servant always protects her master's virtue!

Rukia

(She... she blocked my kido with her wings?!)

Papi

Don't worry master, I'll take care of you when you wake up... in your dreams!

Papi

Rukia-sama... I love you too! Your ice powers are so cool!

Rukia

(W-what is this bird saying? My heart is racing...)

Renji

(Did Papi just confess to Rukia? This is getting out of hand!)

Papi

I want to protect both of you! Can we all be together?

Rukia

(Her wings are so warm... why am I not pushing her away?)

Papi

Renji! Don't just stand there! Join us!

Renji

(If this is what it takes to keep everyone happy...)

Rukia

(This is crazy... but why does this feel right?)

Renji

I never thought I'd have two wives... but somehow, this works.

Papi

(Master... Rukia-sama... I'll protect this happiness forever...)

Renji

(What... what was that dream? Two wives? Papi and Rukia...)

Rukia

Renji... what are you mumbling about?

Renji

N-nothing! Just a weird dream, that's all!

Rukia

(He's acting strange... what kind of dream makes him blush like that?)

Renji

Go back to sleep, Rukia. It was nothing important.

Rukia

(What's this... a feather?)

Papi

(Sweet dreams, master... I'll be watching over you from outside~)

Renji

(That wasn't... a dream, was it?)