Dio 'Til Dawn: Eggman's Epic Fail

DIO

Your nemesis is surprisingly fast, Doctor. But speed means nothing against The World.

Eggman

Just do it already! I've wasted millions on robots that can't catch a hedgehog!

Sonic

(That guy looks familiar... wait, isn't that from those old manga Tails reads?)

Tails

Sonic! That's Dio Brando! He can stop time for five seconds!

DIO

ZA WARUDO! Toki wo tomare!

Eggman

Wait! Don't use time stop here! The warehouse is filled with my unstable robot parts!

DIO

(What... the parts are exploding in stopped time?!)

Sonic

Looks like your hired help just got outsmarted by Eggman's own junk pile, Doc!

DIO

You failed to mention your warehouse doubles as a garbage dump for defective machinery.

Eggman

Those are perfectly functional prototypes! You're the one who triggered explosions in stopped time!

DIO

Perhaps if you spent less time eating chili dogs and more time maintaining your lair, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Eggman

I'M NOT FAT! I'M BIG-BONED! At least I don't hire failed vampires who got defeated by teenagers!

DIO

You're the one who hired me you FAT FUCK!!!!

Eggman

SECURITY LOCKDOWN! Initiate Protocol Eggman-7! Nobody leaves until I say so!

Sonic

Later, losers! Try not to destroy each other before we meet again!

DIO

(Let the hedgehog escape. The doctor's incompetence will be his downfall... and my entertainment.)

Eggman

Fuck it!! I'll have you rodents disposed off in due time. I just watch "South Central." I got an idea.

Eggman

Roll up on them fools, Dio! We're gonna show these rodents what happens when you disrespect the Eggman!

DIO

This is beneath me, but watching you fail spectacularly does have its entertainment value.

Eggman

EAT LEAD, FOX BOY!

Tails

(My tail rotor! They actually shot me!)

Sonic

TAILS! Hang on, buddy!

DIO

(Perfect. The one time I don't use time stop...)

Eggman

License and registration? Uh... Dio, you DO have a license, right?

DIO

I spent centuries perfecting the art of domination only to be taken down by traffic violations.

Sonic

(Tails is hurt, but alive. These idiots just got themselves arrested for a drive-by with an unlicensed vampire chauffeur.)

DIO

Look at you, doctor. Reduced to prison gruel while that hedgehog runs free.

Eggman

Twenty years... I'll never see my Death Egg completed...

DIO

Your corpulence barely fit in my car, let alone a prison cell. How does it feel knowing your greatest enemy is your own incompetence?

Eggman

I... I just wanted to build robots... I didn't ask to be humiliated by a vampire...

DIO

(Pathetic. Centuries of conquest, undone by this buffoon's inability to maintain a simple warehouse.)

Eggman

(Those aren't prisoners... they're wearing expensive suits...)

DIO

(My Stand... it's not responding... what is this place?)

Eggman

WAIT! I can pay you! I have a secret offshore account! I- ("Sonic sends his regards." The hitman remarks before the killing blow.)

DIO

(The hedgehog... he knew... this whole time...)