Detention with the Demon Sensei

Soifon

(Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of this 'music' and not a single student listening to my lecture on assassination techniques.)

Venti

♪ The teacher's face is getting red, like apples in the spring~ ♪

Chibi Usa

Sensei! Venti's song mentions apples but you said apples are terrible for stealth operations because they crunch!

Aqua

Actually, as a goddess, I can confirm that apples are sacred! But nobody ever asks the goddess for her wisdom...

Soifon

(Don't kill them. Don't kill them. The Central 46 said no killing students...)

Venti

♪ The teacher's eye is twitching fast, like hummingbird wings~ ♪

Aqua

I could flood this entire classroom with sacred water to help everyone calm down. It's a goddess's blessing!

Soifon

(New lesson plan. Stealth assassination through cardiac arrest. These three will make perfect test subjects.)

Chibi Usa

Um... sensei? Why are you smiling like that? That's scarier than when you were angry...

Soifon

Class dismissed? Oh no, class is just beginning. Special detention. All of you. Indefinitely.

Soifon

Empathy. The most crucial assassination skill. You'll learn it today.

Aqua

(Empathy? From the woman who locked us in?)

Soifon

Shunko: Lightning Beast. Feel what I feel.

Venti

My... my music? I can't move my fingers!

Chibi Usa

S-sensei! My Pink Sugar Heart Attack won't work! I feel... heavy!

Aqua

This technique... you're sharing your spiritual pressure. Making us feel your burden.

Aqua

This reminds me of someone. Yoruichi-sama used to do similar training, right?

Soifon

(She knows. How does she know about Yoruichi-sama?)

Soifon

The technique... it's breaking. The memories... too strong...

Aqua

Empathy works both ways, sensei. We felt your loneliness too.

Soifon

I... I miss her. Every day. The worst part isn't that she left—it's that I never told her.

Aqua

Aww, the scary captain has a crush! Wait until I tell everyone the fearsome Sui-Feng is just a lovesick—

Chibi Usa

Stop it! You think you're the only one who feels lonely? My dad... I can't even sleep in my own time anymore because he feels so far away.

Venti

♪ The teacher cries for her lost friend, the goddess cries for her own end~ ♪

Venti

♪ The princess cries for daddy dear, while I just drink another beer~ ♪

Soifon

(This bard thinks pain is a joke? I'll show him what real silence sounds like.)

Venti

My... my harp. That was a gift from Barbatos himself...

Soifon

You want to know what real pain is? It's having the one person who understood you disappear forever. And the only thing more painful... is pretending you don't care anymore.

Chibi Usa

(Maybe... maybe we're all just kids trying to find our way home.)

Venti

You think you're the only one who's lost something? That harp was my only connection to Mondstadt!

Soifon

(I deserved that. Every word. But I can't... I can't break like this in front of them.)

Venti

Then let me show you what it feels like to lose something you can't hide—your precious dignity!

Soifon

(My... my concealment wig. The one thing hiding my shame...)

Aqua

BAHAHAHA! The scary captain is BALD! I knew those pigtails were fake but this—THIS is amazing!

Chibi Usa

She looks like a boiled egg! A really angry boiled egg with a lieutenant badge!

Soifon

(Bankai. If I'm going to be remembered as the bald captain, I'll be remembered as the one who taught three gods what true fear looks like.)

Venti

RUN! She's actually going to kill us this time! The bald rage is REAL!

Soifon

GET BACK HERE!!!! I'LL TEAR YOUR HIDES AND USE THEM TO MAKE NEW WIGS!!!!