Money Can't Buy You Love, Kaiba

Kaiba

The male loneliness crisis is a direct result of women's inflated egos. In my world, we'd simply purchase companionship like any other commodity.

Tatsuki

You seriously think women are objects to be bought? Apologize. Now.

Kaiba

Please. My net worth could buy this entire building. Three times over. Money solves everything.

Tatsuki

Oh wow, a rich guy who thinks cash equals personality. How original. What's next, you gonna duel me for respect?

Ubel

This is more entertaining than watching humans fight over treasure. The mage has spirit, I'll give her that.

Tomoko

(Why am I even here? These people are terrifying. Should I just sneak out?)

Tatsuki

You know what your money can't buy? Basic human decency. And that's why you'll die alone with your Blue-Eyes White Dragon body pillow.

Kaiba

How dare you bring up the only companion who's never let me down? Get the fuck out of here!!! Damn tomboy, your probably got holes in your underwear.

Ubel

Damn...

Tatsuki

I've wasted enough time on this pathetic man-child.

Ubel

(Time to see how easily this CEO's pride crumbles.)

Ubel

Such fire in your words, Kaiba-sama. Your power is... intoxicating.

Kaiba

(Is she... flirting with me? After that humiliation?)

Ubel

A man who commands such wealth and power... I find that very attractive.

Kaiba

I... I have standards. You can't just... I mean, what game are you playing?

Ubel

Game? Oh Kaiba-sama, I'm not playing anything. I'm simply enjoying watching you assert yourself.

Tomoko

(This is like watching a car crash. A really weird, manipulative car crash...)

Kaiba

I... you... this is highly unprofessional! Stop this immediately. (I hope she doesn't stop.)

Ubel

How delicious. The great Seto Kaiba, undone by his own loneliness. You men are all so predictable.

Kaiba

Six hundred grand... gone. That woman played me like a first-turn Pot of Greed.

Tomoko

(He looks... human. Not the monster from TV. Just a lonely guy who got scammed.)

Kaiba

She said my dragon cards were... tacky. Who even says that?

Tomoko

I-I used to think money fixed everything. But... you're still here crying like a regular person.

Tatsuki

I came back to rub salt in the wound, but... you're already bleeding out.

Kaiba

Why is she here? Unless... she doesn't actually hate me?

Tomoko

I-I know this is crazy, but... I'll marry you, Kaiba-san. I'll help you become someone who doesn't need to buy love.

Kaiba

(This weird girl in a beanie wants to marry me? After I lost everything?)

Tatsuki

Fine. We'll do this properly. You two are getting married right now. No backing out.

Ubel

Rich men are so wonderfully gullible. One flutter of eyelashes and they melt like butter.

Kaiba

I... I don't deserve this. But I'll try. I'll really try to be better.

Tatsuki

Good. Because if you hurt her, I'll introduce you to my fist personally.

Ubel

I've made a fortune off pick-up artistry. Rich men are the easiest marks - all ego, no substance. Kaiba here? Prime target.

Tomoko

I-I know I'm not much, but... maybe that's what you need. Someone real.

Kaiba

(This girl with the yellow beanie... she's offering me something money never could. A chance to be human.)