AI Crash: Aizen's Market Mayhem

Sailor Venus

My portfolio... it's down 87%! All my AI stocks are crashing!

Bulma

Should've listened when I said Palantir was overvalued. My short positions are up 300%.

Sailor Venus

You knew this would happen! Why didn't you tell me to sell?!

Bulma

Because then my profits wouldn't be this sweet. Market psychology 101, princess.

Aizen

Such delightful chaos. Its all going to plan.

Sailor Venus

(Breaking news: "New AI breakthrough reverses losses overnight" - and I just sold everything at the bottom?!)

Bulma

Wait... my short positions are now worth negative billions. The market's recovering too fast!

Aizen

Fascinating. The real game begins now. Who said you can't profit from a recovery you engineered?

Sailor Venus

(Finally... my portfolio's stabilizing. Maybe I can breathe again...)

Bulma

The algorithm's gone haywire! My short positions are hemorrhaging money!

Aizen

Sam Altman's making his announcement now. Watch how quickly the sheep scatter.

Sailor Venus

(Altman: "AI development requires 10 more years" - NO! Not again!)

Bulma

That bastard timed it perfectly! My algorithm's buying the dip I created!

Sailor Venus

That's it. I'm applying to work at McDonald's. At least their stock is stable.

Aizen

McDonald's sales are in free fall. Who wants fast food quality at restaurant prices? Your instincts fail you again, Aino.

Bulma

(My algorithm just auto-executed the opposite of every trade I wanted...)

Sailor Venus

My portfolio... it's down AGAIN!!!! Maybe I should just buy a shredder for my money at this rate.

Bulma

Should've listened to me. I'm a goddamm CEO. I run capsule corp.

Sailor Venus

Why do you hate me so much?

Bulma

Because back in my day we didn't gamble on new toys tech bros put out. WE WORKED!!!

Aizen

You fools have no idea. My firm is leading lawsuits against these data centers polluting the community. Prepare to pay up, Aino.

Sailor Venus

Pay up? I owe you fools nothing. A.I. is the future. (Proceeds to buy more A.I. stock.)

Bulma

I'm gonna show you how its done. Aino, you need to diversify your portfolio.

Aizen

C'mon now, where's the fun if she wins?

Bulma

Alright Aino, watch this. ETFs spread your risk across hundreds of companies instead of gambling on single AI stocks.

Sailor Venus

So like... Vanguard Total Market VOO or SPLG? That actually makes sense!

Aizen

Ah, but don't you see? This was always my intention. I orchestrated this chaos to teach you the value of diversification.

Bulma

Cap. You literally just like to fuck around, damn troll. You didn't even file the lawsuits against those data centers.

Sailor Venus

Yeah, and I just watched my portfolio tank three times in one day! That's not teaching, that's just being a jerk!

Aizen

(Sigh... they saw right through me.) Fine, fine. I just wanted to watch the chaos unfold. Happy?

Bulma

Now you're talking. Aino, let's set up that three-fund portfolio. Even Aizen can't crash the entire global economy.

Sailor Venus

Bet. Let's do this before Mr. Chaos over there changes his mind again.