Hell Talk: Light Kisses Astolfo

Misa

Tell me what's going on Light. You said we'd make a new world together. Now we're in hell and you're so distant.

Light

Misa, you don't understand. There's an old daying till death do we part. We're in hell now.

Misa

Who is she, Light? Who did you throw us away for?

Light

Not she. He.

Trap King

Hey my pookie wookie bear.

Misa

YOU LEFT ME FOR A TRAP!!!

Light

Face it Misa, I need to be true to me.

Misa

You planned this from the start, didn't you? The Death Note, the new world... all lies!!

Light

Misa, you wouldn't understand. In hell, power structures shift. I adapted.

Trap King

Poor little goth girl thinks she's still relevant~ Musk stole your whole identity on X. Ha!!!

Misa

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I SACRIFICED, LIGHT? I WAS A STAR!!!! (She tosses a chair at Astolfo.)

Light

Misa! You can't solve this with violence anymore! (Light intercepts the chair.)

Misa

I'm stuck in hell now. I gave you my all. Just to lose you to a trap.

Trap King

You know, Light-kun~ there's a special circle for those who betray their worshippers... I need to see you in my bedroom you naughty boy.

Light

(Gulp.)

Trap King

You see, Misa-chan, Light-kun's been my obedient little pet for months now. All it took was seeing through his fragile masculinity~

Trap King

Those god complexes shatter so easily under the right... pressure.

Misa

You fucking homewrecker! I killed for him! I DIED for him!

Misa

You think pink hair and thigh highs make you special? You're just a glorified crossdresser!

Trap King

At least I didn't peak at sixteen and spend eternity clinging to a murderer's coattails, sweetie.

Trap King

Your whole personality is just 'Yandere Lite' with daddy issues.

Misa

Failed. Woman. That's all you are, Astolfo. Too pretty to be a man, too fake to be a woman. Living in that pathetic in-between because you couldn't commit to either.

Misa

(The audience gasps. Even in hell, some truths cut too deep.)

Light

Both of you, stop! This is exactly what the demons want!

Trap King

(His smile cracks. The pink wig slips slightly, revealing... stubble?)

Trap King

You... you don't know anything about identity, you broken little fangirl.

Misa

Look at you! Even your insults are borrowed! Just like Light borrowed my life, you're borrowing womanhood you can't even commit to!

Light

The ratings! They're feeding on your pain! Can't you see the cameras multiplying?

Misa

(Dozens of demonic cameras sprout from the walls, their lenses dilating with hunger. This isn't just a talk show - we're the main course in hell's entertainment industry.)

Misa

Light... what did we sign up for when we died?

Misa

Oh Astolfo, sweetie... I know how you really died.

Misa

(The studio lights dim, casting harsh shadows across Astolfo's face)

Misa

Back alley. Botched surgery. Some quack with a rusty scalpel and dreams of being a real doctor.

Misa

All for what? A cheap transition that left you bleeding out in the rain?

Trap King

(The pink wig slips completely, revealing uneven stubble and surgical scars)

Trap King

You... you don't get to talk about that night!

Trap King

I'll tear that pretty face off your corpse!

Light

Astolfo, no! Not on live demonic television!

Light

(The cameras multiply, their demonic operators salivating at the fresh drama)

Light

Think about your image! You'll be cancelled in the underworld!

Misa

Enjoy your little boy toy, Light. I just destroyed him more thoroughly than any Death Note ever could.

Misa

(She pauses at the threshold, the demonic cameras following her like hungry dogs)

Misa

Some traps aren't meant to be sprung, boys. This one's going to eat itself alive.