Washu x Gojo: 5000-Year Date Fail

Washu-chan

(Okay Washu, just act your age... wait, how old am I again?)

Gojo

So you're the genius scientist everyone's talking about? You don't look a day over... well, how old are you anyway?

Washu-chan

That's quite rude to ask a lady! I'm... young at heart.

Gojo

You're like... ancient, right? Do you remember when dinosaurs were around?

Mitsuri

(Oh no... this is going worse than I thought...)

Washu-chan

That's it! I'm leaving! And for your information, I'm only... several thousand years young!

Gojo

Wait, you're actually that old? That's amazing! Tell me everything about ancient jujutsu techniques!

Washu-chan

I'm a scientist from Jurai. The hell do I know about that?

Stark

(Hopefully Fern never gets this way with me.)

Washu-chan

Is this the best you all can come up with? I'm a galaxy-class scientist, I deserve better than mini golf.

Stark

Lady Washu, I know it's not ideal, but Frieren insisted. Let me show you a proper stance.

Washu-chan

Oww, my back. My arthritis acts up when the weather changes.

Mitsuri

(Oh god another bad date. At this rate my match making business is cooked.)

Stark

Watch this technique I learned from Fern! I'll fix your back. HYAAA!!!

Washu-chan

Child, slow down a second. Let me show you my patented anti gravity technique.

Stark

(She's all better now. Man I hate these grannies and their ill temperament.)

Mitsuri

(I owe Frieren TWO favors now...)

Washu-chan

A perfect game! Now, young man, shall we discuss the mathematical principles of temporal displacement over tea?

Washu-chan

My dating algorithm is flawless! The variables were perfect! Why did both dates fail? Am I too old, too wrinkled?

Mitsuri

Washu-chan, age really is just a number! Look at me - I'm technically older than I look too!

Washu-chan

(Twenty thousand years of scientific advancement and I can't even get a second date...)

Gojo

Actually, your temporal displacement theory aligns perfectly with quantum entanglement principles!

Washu-chan

(He... he understood my research?)

Gojo

Your work on multidimensional aging is revolutionary. Want to discuss it over coffee? My treat.

Washu-chan

(The probability of this working just increased by 847%...)

Mitsuri

(My matchmaking skills are undefeated!)

Washu-chan

(I can't believe I let him see me like this... but his quantum field theory was so elegant...)

Gojo

Babe you were incredible tonight. I guess you can teach a old dog new tricks.

Washu-chan

S-shut up! This is purely academic research into human compatibility metrics! That said you weren't a slouch yourself.

Gojo

Academic, huh? Then why did you program the room's lighting to dim and play old R&B music. You sure set the mood right for a nerd.

Washu-chan

I thought you would enjoy that...

Mitsuri

(Another successful match! Time to update my client testimonials.)

Stark

(I can believe I had to watch Gojo and Washu go at it. I'm scarred for life.)

Washu-chan

Gojo-kun... this doesn't have to end tonight. Let me get your number.

Gojo

Oh? I'll get at you when I need another exchange. See ya later babe