Baby mama bread drama
Create your own story with WhatIf!
Create your own story with WhatIf!
Ichigo
You ate ALL the bread? What am I supposed to eat now?
Orihime
I... I didn't realize you wanted some too! You know how I get. Eating the loaf is a part of me.
Ichigo
That's it! You're not staying here anymore! I'm tired of carrying your lazy diabetic ass. Hit the block bitch.
Rukia
Stop being so dramatic, Ichigo. I got food stamps I'll get more bread at the farmers market.
Uryu
What's with all the noise? Us Quincy need our sleep.
Ichigo
It's not about the bread Rukia, it's how Orihime doesn't even think she did anything wrong. Uryu, stop talking in third person.
Orihime
I'm sorry Ichigo. I just can't help myself, I'm pregnant.
Ichigo
Pregnant...? Impossible, I always use protection. I had my bankai.
Rukia
Ichigo, you would dare toss out a pregnant woman? What would your mother think you Andrew Tate rip off.
Uryu
Ichigo. You were about to throw out a pregnant woman over bread? Even Aizen and Grimmjow had some decency. For shame Ichigo, for shame...
Ichigo
I didn't know Orihime was pregnant. She's always been thick to me.
Rukia
Now you're fat shaming Ichigo. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!!!
Orihime
I wanted to tell everyone properly... but the baby's making me so hungry. Can I get some butter on this loaf?
Ichigo
I'm sorry. Take the rest - I'll go buy more. All the bread you want. Just don't tell anyone else.
Rukia
Actually, I'll go. But Ichigo... we need to talk about your responsibilities as a dad. You're gonna need a job.
Orihime
(Oh god, this is so uncomfortable. We have no more orange juice.)
Orihime
I'm still hungry! The baby needs more than just bread - where's the protein? The calcium?
Ichigo
(Her cravings are getting worse. She's gained so much weight... I can't do this. I need out. I can't take it any more. I like slim women not fatties.)
Rukia
Ichigo, stop being a coward. You need to man up or so help me I will turn your home into an art gallery.
Uryu
Rukia, we do not want more of your abysmal art. Ichigo, you march back to Orihime and be the father you're supposed to be or I'm telling on you.
Ichigo
You know what? I've been seeing someone else this whole time. Its Giselle Gewelle the sternritter. She knows how to please me.
Orihime
You left me for Giselle, the transgender woman who turns people into Zombies? Am I that ugly to you, Ichigo?
Rukia
You absolute scum! With Giselle of all people? The one who tortured people for fun? How do you live with yourself?
Uryu
Wow, this is the most stimulation I've had in years. I should sleep over more often.
Orihime
I can't accept this Ichigo. My baby will not be around that Sternritter. Either you end this affair with Giselle or you'll never meet your child.
Ichigo
I never meant to hurt you, Orihime. I'm terrified of being a father. Giselle... she just listens when I'm scared.
Orihime
You hurt me Ichigo. You sought comfort in the arms of a woman who used to be a man, not to mention at one point an enemy of ours. I'm hurt...
Rukia
Orihime, I know what Ichigo did was wrong. Yet, Giselle did show remorse. I know that because she did stand up to Yhwach.
Uryu
I have never seen Ichigo look this distraught before. Don't let your hate get in the way of him being a dad.
Ichigo
I want to be there for our baby, Orihime. I got some coupons for the grocery store. They're having a sale on baguettes. Now stop playing.
Orihime
Baguettes? Throw in some butter and some bacon and we have a deal. Also I don't want Giselle near my baby.
Ichigo
Orihime, Giselle is with me now. Besides, she owns the coupons. (Giselle laughs in the background.)
Rukia
(I'm only still living here because the rent for the closet I'm sleeping in is cheaper than a apartment. Maybe I should move back to soul society nah)