Sautéed Hearts & Spice Wars

Sanji

(Two beautiful women... and they're both incredible cooks...)

Chi-Chi

I may be a housewife, but don't underestimate my cooking skills!

Erina

This competition is beneath me, but a new kitchen layout could be useful.

Sanji

(Such beautiful hands chopping vegetables...)

Chi-Chi

Hey! Eyes up here mister!!! I'm a married woman with two sons for Pete's sake.

Erina

Let's see how you handle the God Tongue's judgment.

Sanji

(My dish! The smoke... the judges...) If I don't win, Nami said she's gonna sell me back to Makoto again...

Erina

The winner is obvious. I can't believe you two thought you had a chance.

Sanji

This competition isn't over yet. (I better get it right next round.)

Chi-Chi

Hey look!!! The judge's are asking for a second round. This doesn't look good.

Erina

Round two: a dessert worthy of royalty. No burnt offerings this time, I hope.

Chi-Chi

(Desserts? Goku always just wants meat...)

Sanji

(My secret weapon: Charlotte aux framboise with gold leaf... no distractions this time! I will not be sold again.)

Erina

A perfect balance of molecular gastronomy and classical technique. This is art.

Chi-Chi

Here's hoping I can slide though with this. (Come on Chi-Chi, Pan is watching. She'll never let me live it down.)

Erina

A tie? With that... housewife?

Sanji

(I can't believe that actually worked.) Why are the judges taking their time again?

Chi-Chi

Wait... why are they walking toward me with that card?

Erina

Final round. Create a salad so irresistible, even a child would beg for seconds.

Sanji

(A salad? After all that work... for kids?)

Erina

(A few drops of this flavor compound... they'll never know.)

Chi-Chi

Kids love fun shapes and bright colors. Goten always eats his vegetables when I make them look like dinosaurs.

Sanji

(If I make it look like Nami and Robin... no, too creepy. Star shapes it is!)

Erina

(Just a touch of bitter gourd extract should ruin her presentation.)

Chi-Chi

Ick!!!! How did that get in there? Erina, you witch. (Chi-Chi spits at her.)

Erina

Uck!!!! That old hag spat in my mouth. How uncivilized. I knew you country bumpkin mountain people were irredeemable!!!!

Sanji

Holy crap I won!!!!! Granted by disqualification, but hey a win is a WIN!!!!

Erina

Damn it. I lost to a pirate with curly eyebrows. Is this San Francisco again?

Sanji

(Finally won something... even if the prize is just a kitchen layout...)

Erina

Unacceptable. I, Nakiri Erina, am being treated like common trash.

Chi-Chi

Let me go! I have a family to feed! Goku won't know how to cook without me!

Erina

This is your fault Chi-Chi. You should have taken the L!!! We upper class types need not share the same space as bumbling farmers.

Sanji

(These blueprints... why does this kitchen layout look exactly like the Baratie?)

Erina

(Enjoy your "victory" while it lasts, pirate. That kitchen layout comes with a limited warranty. It doesn't cover sea damage.)

Sanji

WHAT!!!!!! ALL OF THIS COMPETITION AND THE LAYOUT ISN'T EVEN SEA WORTHY????!!!!! Oh well at least I never have to see Makoto again.

Chi-Chi

You know what? What's six months in the can? At least I don't have to feed Goku for a while. I'm sure he'll manage.