red menaces

Dante

So anyway, I was fighting this demon the size of a building when my sword jammed mid-combo...

Dante

Talk about performance issues, am I right?

Deadpool

Oh, that's nothing! One time I was in this massive shootout with like fifty guys...

Deadpool

And get this - I only had ONE bullet left!

Dante

Let me guess, you made it count with some impossible trick shot?

Deadpool

Nope! I used it on myself. Quicker than waiting for them to torture me to death.

Deadpool

Woke up three days later surrounded by confused raccoons! They'd been using my healing body as a buffet!

Dante

Wait, what? You KILLED yourself?

Deadpool

It's kinda my thing. Healing factor, remember? Death and I have an understanding.

Deadpool

(She's also super hot. Like, CRAZY hot. Skeleton hot.)

Dante

Man, and I thought MY family reunions were messed up.

Dante

Remind me never to invite you to a party at my shop...

Deadpool

Too late! I've already RSVP'd to your next birthday! I'll bring the chimichangas and existential dread!

Deadpool

And maybe some body bags. You know, just in case things get REALLY fun!