American Bias VS Russian Bias (Kay and Katyusha)

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Kay
Found you, Pravda! Let's see what that Russian steel is really made of!
Kay
(Perfect position for an ambush. They won't know what hit them.)
Katyusha
Nonna! I can see the Saunders flag! Their Sherman is no match for Soviet engineering!
Katyusha
We will crush them like we crushed the fascists in Stalingrad!
Kay
Target acquired! Alisa, aim for center mass! Let's show them how Saunders handles business!
Kay
Wait for my signal... steady...
Katyusha
They think they can challenge Katyusha? FIRE!
Katyusha
(This will be over in seconds.)
Katyusha
Impossible! How did we miss?!
Katyusha
Reload immediately!
Kay
Our turn now! Light 'em up!
Kay
(That little Russian won't know what hit her.)
Kay
We missed? How is that even possible at this range?!
Kay
Naomi, check the gun alignment!
Katyusha
AMERICAN BIAS! Your capitalist Sherman should have been destroyed!
Katyusha
The referees favor Saunders because America always gets special treatment!
Kay
RUSSIAN BIAS! That T-34 should have been knocked out ages ago!
Kay
Everyone knows Russian tanks are unrealistically tough in these matches!
Katyusha
(Did we just say the same thing at the same time?)
Katyusha
Stop copying Katyusha!
Katyusha
Everyone knows Sherman tanks get special treatment in Sensha-do! Your armor bounces shells it shouldn't!
Katyusha
And your gun stabilizers are historically inaccurate! Pure American propaganda!
Kay
Oh please! Russian bias is legendary! Your T-34's armor is basically magical!
Kay
Not to mention your tank mysteriously goes faster uphill than on flat ground! Talk about unrealistic!
Kay
(Wait, is that Darjeeling watching us through binoculars? And Anchovy too?)
Kay
(Great... we're providing entertainment for the entire tournament.)
Katyusha
Stalin tanks are superior to Roosevelt tanks! It is historical fact!
Katyusha
Your Sherman couldn't survive Russian winter like glorious T-34!
Katyusha
(Everyone is watching us argue like children. This is beneath Katyusha's dignity!)
Katyusha
Why are they all staring at us?
Kay
You know what? Let's settle this the American way - with action, not words!
Kay
Point blank range, no excuses. You game?
Kay
Alisa? Say again? Enemy tanks approaching from our right flank?
Kay
All crews, battle stations! Hard right turn, now!
Kay
(Have to forget this pointless argument and focus on the real threat!)
Katyusha
Nonna reports enemy flanking maneuver? From left side?
Katyusha
All units pivot left! Protect Katyusha's position!
Kay
Gun crew ready! They think they can outflank Saunders? Not on my watch!
Kay
(We'll hit them before they know what's happening.)
Katyusha
Soviet steel does not retreat! We meet enemy head-on!
Katyusha
Gunner, prepare to fire on sight!
Kay
(That's strange... there's nothing here. No tanks, no movement, nothing but...)
Katyusha
Where are enemy reinforcements? Nonna's intelligence is never wrong!
Katyusha
(Something is not right...)
Kay
Wait—there's no reinforcements! Just Katyusha's tank... directly in our sights!
Kay
(This is a perfect shot opportunity. Too perfect...)
Katyusha
It's a trap! No reinforcements—just American tank perfectly aligned!
Katyusha
Who dares trick Katyusha?!
Kay
Could fire right now... guaranteed hit at this range...
Kay
(But something doesn't add up. This feels like someone else's game.)
Katyusha
(Movement on the hill... is that St. Gloriana's flag? And... Anzio?)
Katyusha
Katyusha sees truth now! We are being played like chess pieces!
Kay
What the—? Is that Darjeeling's voice on our frequency?
Kay
(..."Let's see how our little chess game plays out"... They set us up!)
Katyusha
They mock us! Darjeeling and Anchovy think they can manipulate Katyusha?!
Katyusha
Unforgivable!
Kay
Ha! Can you believe it? They played us both!
Kay
And here we were arguing about bias while they set us up for mutual destruction!
Katyusha
Kay finds this funny? We are being humiliated!
Katyusha
(But it was clever trap... Katyusha can appreciate good strategy...)
Kay
You know what would really surprise them? If we didn't shoot each other.
Kay
In fact, I think we should give our audience a different show altogether. What do you say?