How to get instant girlfriend

Satou Kazuma

Aqua! I need your divine wisdom! How can I turn this rock into my girlfriend?

Satou Kazuma

I'm tired of being single in this fantasy world!

Aqua

Kazuma, you dummy! Rocks can't be girlfriends!

Aqua

But fear not! For I, the great Aqua, shall bless this rock with my divine powers!

Frieren

Interesting. In my centuries of magical study, I've never encountered a spell to transmute rock into companionship.

Frieren

Perhaps there's a lesson here about the nature of relationships...

Aqua

Behold my godly might! Rock, I command thee to become Kazuma's dream girl!

Satou Kazuma

...Nothing happened. Why am I not surprised?

Satou Kazuma

Well, at least this rock is as useful as you, Aqua.

Aqua

Waaaah! Kazuma, you meanie! I tried my best!

Aqua

It's not my fault your taste in girlfriends is as solid as a rock!

Frieren

You know, Kazuma, some might argue this rock already possesses qualities of an ideal partner.

Frieren

It's stable, dependable, and an excellent listener.

Satou Kazuma

...You're right, Frieren. At least it won't call me 'Kazuma-trash' or blow up my house.

Satou Kazuma

Rock-chan, will you be my girlfriend?